JUST A SYSADMIN
Operational Excellence Dashboard
Uptime (Last 30 Days)
99.99%
Measured using vibes and selective time windows.
SLA Compliance
100%
As long as you define “service” creatively.
Mean Time To Innocence (MTTI)
4m
Time to prove it’s not us.
Do you need a regular sysadmin to perform mundane tasks with mediocre proficiency?
Someone to join your call and add nothing of value?
Need to pump the project numbers so you look corpo?
Ask for Joe.
He's just a sysadmin.
Classic Sysadmin Wisdom
Click the button for wisdom.
Incident Report
Click generate to create an incident.
Awaiting incident creation...
Evidence
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Middle-Out Compression Calculator
Input Parameters
This tool uses proprietary compression science and investor-grade math.
Results
Click "Compress From The Middle" to generate your report.
About
Joe Hockstok is a sysadmin with a healthy skepticism of dashboards, a strong belief in DNS being guilty until proven innocent, and a long history of incidents that were “resolved” shortly after nothing changed.
Created for fun, in spare time. The whole Anchelada.